sigh
Staring at the purple wall behind her study desk that faced her, she wondered - why?
the purple wall packed with shelves and a framed painting faded to a blur
She gave it everything she had. Everything then does not seem like much now, but for a fourteen-year-old girl, it took a great deal of courage for her to even think of doing what she did. She would know; and her six year experience in an all girls' school didn't do her much justice in this aspect.
Then again, she still remembered what made her do it. There was a lot she could say; and, yes, it was those cliche reasons you'd see in a chick flick. What did you expect? For an immature, young teen-aged girl who was only in her second year of a daily encounter with boys in school, she only knew those kind of reasons existed. What really surprised her was how much it'd affect her.
Go ahead, ask. What was the reason?
She'll still smile when she pictures it in her mind - his smile. His dimples fell nicely on the sides of his cheeks when he'd smile, and dimples are always cute; to her at least. Even now. Of course, that one plus point made everything about him seem almost perfect in the eyes of a young teen.
In the early days of their acquaintance, she worked with him. His playful outward personality made her seem more like the teachers' pet, and she hated that it did, but she saw otherwise. You see, if a person was truly that playful - which was what they'd call "irresponsible" - he wouldn't have even bothered to reply her text messages when she mindlessly freaked out over not returning the file to the office like she did. (It was part of their duty, and for her, it was a big deal.)
He (and a friend) got into trouble once, and it wasn't those mild kind (like forgetting to do homework), it was pretty serious. To be completely honest, she still didn't know why they made it such a big deal. After all, it was only for dropping a bench and the loud bang led to a slight commotion. It was the only time the school was naturally "united" for something that wasn't an official school event. The hypocritical thing is that, with all the talk about establishing unity, they made that one instant seem a crime. (Don't blame them, this is the nature of our society.)
There was talk of a suspension. The ridiculousness of it all pushed her to write an email to their teacher to try to save him. Of course, being the coward that she was, she emailed it to the nicest teacher she knew then. She still isn't sure whether or not it worked. Perhaps the big trouble he was in was a compilation of all the minor mistakes. She didn't know anything. Still, she did all she could. Although, she shouldn't have assumed. She knew that. Who was she to interfere?
Everything else is a blur to her now. Even all that wasn't what she was confused most about herself.
He never liked her back. Obviously. Why would he like an overweight, overtaken by puberty, goody-two-shoes like her?
She did fess up to him before. At the bus stop on the way home, she mustered enough courage to text him "I like you".
Yes, he used the "friend" tactic in his reply. Harsh? (It actually wasn't. It was pretty nicely put.)
That wasn't enough to stop her.
what was wrong with her?
❤
She got a jar.
And purple paper covering.
She made 99 straw hearts.
She put them in the jar.
She gave it to him in class.
Not the best idea. In class? What was she thinking?
She heard him mutter "walao". Okay, the sign of bad news.
Long story short:
A while later, someone told her where it ended up.
Then, she cried - long and hard. (that's what she said moment not intended)
Guess where it ended up.
♡
The pain still lives in her; it's just kept away, but she would never forget it.
He wasn't mean to her or anything. He's a good person and she still believes he is. She doesn't have the right to blame him or think of herself and what she's done as 'spectacular'. It really wasn't because she isn't.
What do you know? A fourteen-year-old's idea of love. It's as innocent as that.
The important thing is that, for what it's worth, she loved. It was an experience. :)
❤
